


the shinobi

by keephere



Category: Naruto
Genre: Like pure crack, Other, This is crack, my sister and i were just messing about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 05:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6740071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keephere/pseuds/keephere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of a shinobi named Bonnie with a goal to conquer the world.</p><p> </p><p>Just a silly little crack I wrote with my little sister since she's gotten into Naruto lately and wanted to be in the Naruto world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the shinobi

bonnie was a nerd. bonnie was a shinobi. but then bonnie did stuff. and heres how. bonnie was a nobody. she didnt belong to any clans. her parents werent even shinobi. they were just boring civilians who sold bread to poor people. bonnie was happy when they died. they died because they made bad bread. the bread was sold to poor people who were disgusted in them. they all formed a team and beat her parents to death. bonnie was five years old. 

when bonnie was six she joined the Academy. there she met the love of her life; being able to use chakra. maybe if shed been able to use chakra before she could have saved her parents. that was when bonnie promised that she would kill all the poor people in the world because that was her ninja way her nindo. 

bonnies best friend was also a nerd. her name was hinata. and she loved naruto. bonnie was pretty bad at taijustsu. and ninjutsu. and genjutsu. but she was very nice to people and good at making traps. so they let her stay in the Academy. when she graduated it was five years after all her friends graduated. she was sixteen. naruto was already cool af and sasuke was killing chumps for orochimaru. hinata was married to rock lee. he was a nice person. 

bonnie was ready to become a shinobi. it was time to show everyone that she was even better than naruto. she was better than everyone. even the hokage; gai. bonnies first step as a new genin (after she killed the old man begging for money) was to storm into the hokages office and kill him. 

anbu were very slow. she killed gai before they even stepped in to the room. when they entered, she smirked and placed her foot on top of gais corpse. "hahahaha. i am the hokage now, fools." 

she then beat all the anbu up until they did what she said. 

but bonnie was not happy just being in charge of konoha. she wanted the world!!!!! she put out a bingo book entry for naruto and sasuke so when they were spotted they were to be killed. thatd show them! next she called up the akatsuki and she told them that if they didnt listen to her she would rip their eyes out and she knew how much that would upset madara. 

madara was furious. so he stormed down to konoha and challenged bonnie to a fight.  
"fight me!" he exclaimed. "if you win you have my eyes."  
"okay," bonnie replied and with a single flick of her wrist madara collapsed and was dead.

"that took longer than last time," bonnie said before walking towards madaras cold lifeless body. she reached down and pushed her fingers into madaras eye sockets. she took care not to damage his sharingan. once she pulled the eyeballs out with blood gushing from the sockets she called for tsunade who had been removed as hokage years before by gai for not being youthful enough.

tsunade refused to put madaras eyes in bonnies head. so bonnie offered her lots of alcohol and a million coins to do it. tsunade accepted. she simply pulled bonnies eyes out and pushed madaras in. 

"blink," she commanded. bonnie blinked. 

"focus chakra in your eyes," she commanded. bonnie did. 

"whoa," bonnie marveled. "i can see chakra." 

"thats very cool," tsunade said. "im going to go gamble now." tsunade left dragging the pig and shizune with her.  
"nice," bonnie said. the world was different now. the greatest uchiha was dead. she had his eyes. there was only one thing that she could do to be the greatest being ever. raise the dead. 

bonnie knew to keep konoha she would have to kill naruto. because naruto was a pain in the neck and would come storming back the minute he heard konoha was in trouble.  
"who cares if hes my old classmate?" bonnie said. "but it doesnt really matter cause i wont be the one to kill him his father will!!!!!!!!!!"

so bonnie used the mysterious powers of the sharingan to bring minato back from the clutches of the grim reaper.  
"minato," she said, "go kill naruto."  
"alright." 

"but take me with you," bonnie added as minato was about to go.  
"okay." minato grabbed bonnie and flashed away to where his son was with jiraya.  
"oh my god," jiraya cried "minatos alive."  
"oh my god," naruto mimicked. "the fourth hokages alive." 

"thats not all i am to you," minato stated "naruto i am your father."  
bonnie sat on a tree stump eating popcorn.  
minato flashed to jiraya then flashed away leaving jiraya stuck in iwagakure where everyone hated him before returning to naruto. 

"youre my dad?" naruto repeated.  
"yes son. and now i am going to kill you."  
"but why?"  
"because bonnie told me to. and shes the hokage now so i have to."  
"but what happened to grandma tsunade?" naruto cried. 

"she was demoted for not being young enough," bonnie told him with a mouth full of popcorn.  
"thats a shame." 

"time to die naruto. no more questions."  
"but i dont wanna die papa. i only just met you."  
"i dont wanna kill you either son. i only just met you."  
"oh well." 

minato flashed forwards and before naruto could react minato messed up the seal on his stomach forcing the malicious chakra from the ninetails to eat naruto from the outside in. naruto was dead.

"now what?" minato asked. staring at the remains of his only son that he and his wife had died protecting.  
"now we take hinatas byakugan."  
"why?"  
"because that is the ultimate betrayl. she was once my best friend and now she is blind."  
"sounds good."


End file.
